(Thai) Wedding Crashers

(This post was written on 1/12/2011 but not posted until now. Because I'm an idiot. Apologies.)

This morning as I and the other volunteers gathered in front of the 7-Eleven across the street from our house to go to our volunteer placements, one of our coordinators, Aim, casually mentioned that we could stop along the way to peek in on a wedding. We were delighted by the idea of dropping in for at least a few minutes just to see what things were like at a Thai wedding . . . If only we'd known then just how involved we were about to be!

Considering the fact that we hadn't heard about this whole wedding business until about half an hour before we arrived at the wedding, we were all a little frazzled and excited. We got out of the van and looked around to see what looked like half the village gathered together to celebrate.

Now, being the westerners that we are, we already stood out like tall, white, and inappropriately dressed sore thumbs. Added to this, however, was the fact that we had no idea what was going on and had only a limited number of people with whom we could communicate to ask. Suffice to say, we felt like we were crashing a wedding.

. . . Which we were.

BUT, whereas at home Bridezilla or her mother would fly at us like a banshee and brandishing her perfectly manicured nails and delicately arranged bouquet, the people at the wedding were more than welcoming. Even from the start, they seemed delighted to see us and offer us chances to participate! In fact, at one point it was announced that it was a sign of good luck for the couple that we westerners had shown up!

At the start, the groom and his party carry loads of food and other offerings (including two live ducks and two live chickens which were caught outside the gate) to the house. Aim actually asked a couple of us if we wanted to carry some of the platters of offerings inside! We had no idea how to react, but felt pretty uncomfortable and would hate to ruin some poor strangers' wedding, so we respectfully declined and instead got into a better position for photos. At the gate there is a little girl who decides if they will be allowed in based on the offerings they bring. If she's not satisfied, groom ain't gettin' married until he finds some more stuff to bring! Thankfully, in this case, the groom came with enough swag from the start and, with music blaring, the groom's party continued their processional dancing along the path to the altar where they laid out their gifts.

After a little while, the groom appeared wearing an all white suit and looking nervous. He and his bride had been separated the day before and wouldn't see each other until the impending ceremony later that morning, just like in a Christian wedding. Aim was talking me through what was going on when she pointed out a banana leaf that was laid on the floor at the foot of the stairs. She explained that before the ceremony, which would take place upstairs, the bride would come down and wash her soon-to-be-husband's feet as he stood on the leaf before they ascended to their ceremony.

Then suddenly, women started taking some of the groom's offerings upstairs and Aim turned to us and said, "Would you like to go up and see the bride's side?!" Once again, we found ourselves feeling like we were intruding and getting confused looks from our Thai coordinators who kept assuring us that no one minded us being there and that they were, in fact, glad to have us. So . . . up we went!

We weren't there 2 minutes before our other coordinator, Santana, was peeking through the crack in the door into the bride's room and calling us over to come look! We were mortified, but to our surprise, the bride actually opened the door, shyly greeted us, and allowed us to take photos! And boy, was she STUNNING! Hand to Buddha, I almost started crying, she looked so beautiful. The other thing I noticed? She looked like she could still be in high school. Thankfully, we soon were told that she was actually 25 and the groom was 42. Bit of an age difference, but they had chosen each other as arranged marriages are no longer the norm here in Thailand.

Once we finally managed to tear ourselves away from the bride, we took seats on the floor surrounding the altar. The small room was crowded with people who we assumed were family. The women were busy preparing and arranging the altar with the groom's gifts as well as a few other things. There was also a giant platter covered in money. LOTS of money. Apparently, it was a collection from those present at the wedding as the couple's "nest egg" to get their new family and new lives going. We were recruited, once the money was arranged on the platter, to sprinkle flower petals over it as a form of a blessing on it and their future.

Before too long, the bride emerged from the back room, along with her mother and bridesmaids, to go retrieve her groom and begin the ceremony. She looked distinctly nervous, too. The bride and groom shortly came back up the stairs together and took the seats of honor right in front of the altar. We were satisfied to linger at the back along the walls. I probably took close to 100 photos of the ceremony. I couldn't understand ANY of it (duh), but it was fascinating and beautiful to watch. The bride and groom didn't just exchange rings, but also necklaces and other jewelry. The man conducting the ceremony painted three dots on their foreheads. the couple held hands while their closest family members crouched around them, touching their arms. It was the perfect and most beautifully symbolic way I've ever seen of bringing two families together as one with a marriage. The couple then wore these kind of wreaths for their heads that was connected with a piece of string, similar to what I've seen in Greek weddings. Finally, the couple remained where they were, with their hands held together, as everyone present (including us) kneeled down next to them and tied money to their wrists using string. I gave 100 baht to the new couple. Figured it was the least I could do for a family that had been so accomodating to a wedding crasher.

As others were finishing up their offerings to the couple, older women from the family started coming around with the same string being used to tie the money to the couple and started offering us bracelets of string as their blessings and thanks to us for coming that day. It was incredibly generous and I almost cried for the second time that day.

After that, we went downstairs where we thought we might be heading home . . . WRONG! First of all, the families had insisted we stay for the meal . . . which was absolutely enormous. There must have been at least a dozen different dishes for us to try and water, Sprite, and Coca-Cola overflowed our glasses. It was relentless. Thai hospitality is notorious when it comes to food. "You're full? More rice will fix that." It's outrageous, but fantastic to be on the receiving end of it.

We were then invited to sit down and watch the second stage of the wedding ceremony during which the guests offered their blessings a second time by pouring water over the couples hands as they sat at these very ornate stools and tables. This sounds lovely, and it was, but it was during this portion of the morning that I may or may not have ACCIDENTALLY (operative word here, people) . . . smacked a rather old woman in the face.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Good one, Kilgore.

In my defense, I was joking around with our driver about dancing, went to gesture over my shoulder and nailed a woman whose face was right at shoulder level as she was walking just behind me. Silently. I was . . . horrified with myself. Thankfully, she was either wonderfully understanding or didn't have the energy to get furious with someone with whom she could not directly communicate. However, the incident obviously provided endless entertainment for my fellow volunteers, so . . . you're welcome.

The morning ended perfectly, just rounding out a fabulous morning. We were beckoned over to dance with the older ladies who were guests at the wedding and family members of the bride and groom. If you've ever seen "The King and I," you've seen some Thai dance moves. It's very elegant and the position and gesture of their hands is of paramount importance. We mimicked their moves, stepping left and right to the beat of the music, curling our wrists around while bending our fingers back as far as they could go, swayed back and forth . . . It was an absolute blast and we all had a lovely, laughable time together. In fact, it was exactly like the movie "Wedding Crashers!" I would have loved to have seen Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson on that dancefloor with those old women! After our dance fest, we got some photos on the dancefloor and, just like my kids at the childcare center, as soon as that first camera came out, every woman was scrambling around wanting to take as many photos as they could. It was adorable.

Finally, on our way out, the bride's father, a very gregarious outspoken whisp of a man bid us farewell, his hands pressed together in front of him, dipped into a shallow bow, and saying "I love you!"